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It is often at nursery school that children make their first friendships, and it is through play that children most naturally relate to each other and make friends. For some children, school is the first place to socialise outside the family circle. But even for those who have been to nursery school, important changes take place during kindergarten in the way they play and relate to their friends.

Play and friends, age by age

Up to the age of 2 or 3, children usually play either alone, focused on their activity and indifferent to what others are doing, or by watching others play but not engaging in it.

Between the ages of 2 and 4, parallel play develops, where the child plays separately, but close to others, often imitating their actions. This is the beginning of more complex social play. 

At around 3 or 4 years of age, the child begins to play with others, but the activity is neither organised nor coordinated (for example, he or she will play in the kitchen and prepare a meal which he or she will offer to his or her friend, who accepts, but everything is improvised). 

From about4 years old, cooperative play begins : the child is interested in both the people playing and the activity. The activity is organised and the participants have assigned roles. This is the beginning of "teamwork".

Why is play so important?

Play is natural and necessary for all children. Beyond the pleasure it brings (and knowing how to enjoy it is a key skill to pass on to our children!), play allows the development of an infinite number of socio-emotional skills : autonomy (knowing what to do when no one is directing you), communication, problem solving, negotiation, flexibility and adaptability, understanding of one's own emotions and those of others, resilience, creativity and imagination.

These games can be structured, where the child has to follow guidelines or rules and is guided by an adult (board games, puzzles, team sports) or unstructured, where the child can do what they want with what they have. It is important to find a balance between these two types of play.

How to support the socialisation of your child?

Children need practice to learn to share, to take turns, to resolve conflicts and to experience the joy of friendship. 

• Take advantage of free time outside of school to take your child to the square or park so that he or she has the opportunity to play freely with friends. When the weather is not so good, organise snacks with his friends at home, it's a friendly and joyful way to spend the long winter afternoons!

• Play with your child so that they can learn the rules of sharing, taking turns and negotiating with you! 

• As with any social skill, parents can help shy children rehearse in advance for a situation that stresses them, such as going to a birthday party or meeting a new group of people. If you notice that your child is having trouble interacting with peers, practise at home.

Help your child to be a good friend

Learning to play together means learning to take into account the other's desires as well as one's own, learning to negotiate and to enjoy sharing. These skills are developed throughout childhood, and make a major leap between the ages of 3 and 6. Accompany your child in this beautiful adventure: 

• Help your child understand the other child's point of view: "I guess Simon wants a turn too."

• When you play with your child, don't let them decide everything or always win ! It is important that they learn that you too should enjoy the game, and that sometimes you want to choose your character or win a game. 

• When your child is playing with another child, only intervene in their discussions if they no longer respect the rules of respect and safety. Let them find a solution on their own as much as possible. If they need your help, help them find the solution rather than giving it to them ("How can you share this ball so that both of you can have fun with it?").

Stay close by and watch the children play together. Your visible presence encourages virtuous behaviour.

Jessica Escobar