It is often in preschool that children will form their first friendships, and it is through play that children most naturally connect with each other and make friends. For some children, school is the first place of socialization outside the family circle. But even for those who have attended daycare, significant changes occur during preschool in how they play and interact with their peers.

Play and Friends, Age by Age

Up to the age of 2 or 3, children most often play either alone, focused on their own activity and indifferent to what others are doing, or by watching others play without engaging themselves.

Between 2 and 4 years old, parallel play develops, where the child plays separately but near others, often imitating their actions. This marks the beginning of more complex social play. 

Around 3 or 4 years old, children begin to play with others, but the activity is neither organized nor coordinated (for example, they might play kitchen and prepare a meal they offer to a friend, who accepts, but everything is improvised). 

From around 4 years old, cooperative play begins: the child is interested in both the people playing and the activity itself. The activity is organized, and participants have assigned roles. This marks the beginning of "teamwork."

Why is Play So Important?

Play is natural and necessary for all children. Beyond the pleasure it brings (and knowing how to take pleasure is a key skill to pass on to our children!), play enables the development of an endless number of socio-emotional skills : autonomy (knowing what to do when no one is directing you), communication, problem-solving, negotiation, flexibility and adaptability, understanding one's own emotions and those of others, resilience, creativity and imagination.

These games can be structured, where the child must follow instructions or rules guided by an adult (board games, puzzles, team sports), or unstructured, where the child can do what interests them with what they have available. It is important to find a balance between these two types of play.

How to Support Your Child's Socialization?

Children need practice to learn how to share, take turns, resolve conflicts, and experience the joy of friendship. 

• Take advantage of free time outside of school to take them to the playground or park so they have the opportunity to play freely with their friends. When the weather isn't good, organize playdates with friends at home; it's a friendly and joyful way to spend long winter afternoons!

• Play with your child so they can learn the rules of sharing, taking turns, and negotiation with you!
• As with any social skill, parents can help shy children to rehearse in advance for a stressful situation, such as going to a birthday party or meeting a new group of people. If you notice your child struggling to interact with peers, practice with them at home.

Help Your Child Be a Good Friend

Learning to play together means learning to consider others' desires as well as their own, and learning to negotiate and find joy in sharing. These skills develop throughout childhood, making significant progress between the ages of 3 and 6. Support your child in this wonderful journey: 

• Help your child to understand the other child's perspective : "I suppose Simon wants a turn too."
• When you play with your child, don't let them make all the decisions or always win ! It's important for them to learn that you also need to enjoy the game, and that sometimes you want to choose your character or win a round. 
• When your child plays with another child, only intervene in their discussions if they are no longer following the rules of respect and safety. Allow them as much as possible to find a solution themselves. If they need your help, guide them to find the solution rather than giving it to them ("How can you share this ball so both of you can have fun with it?").

Stay nearby and observe the children playing together. Your visible presence encourages good behavior.

Jessica Escobar