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Between the ages of 2 and 6, the child's capacities will multiply in all areas, and he or she will become dramatically more independent. Paradoxically, to become increasingly autonomous, the child needs the adult.
Why encourage children's autonomy?
1. In order to do things on his own, the child needs to develop his "executive functions".
Executive functions are all the abilities that will enable him to set a goal, stay focused on his objective, choose the right techniques to achieve it, and change them as needed. These abilities, which he will develop by learning to dress himself, for example, are the same abilities that he will need to learn to read, to do calculations, or to go to college alone one day... In short, these are the abilities that every human being uses every day, in his learning as well as in his personal projects. And it is especially between the ages of 3 and 5 that they develop.
2. Developing autonomy is a natural need of every child.
This need is particularly visible around the age of 2 or 3, when the child wants to do everything by himself: putting on his shoes, pouring himself a drink, brushing his teeth or getting dressed... Indeed, when the child does everything by himself, he takes great pleasure in exercising and developing his executive functions which are in full development: he remembers the different steps and organizes them to reach a goal; he controls his gestures or inappropriate emotions, and learns to remain flexible, that is, to review his strategy in case of error.
3. Having well-developed executive functions allows for long-lasting friendly and sentimental relationships.
Indeed, good executive functions help children to cope with stress, to analyse and express their emotions with serenity, to better understand those of others, and consequently, to resolve or avoid relational conflicts. It is also important to know that a child who feels respected and capable will be much more at ease emotionally than a child who is too "brooding".
How can you help your child to be autonomous?
1. Adapt his environment.
Start by adapting his apartment, his house with objects to the size of your child. Lʼidéal is that he would not ask you for lʼaide for simple tasks that he is able to do alone. A few ideas: put his toys in bins he can grab and put away by himself. Always choose clothes and shoes that he can learn to put on and take off by himself. Hang a small coat rack at his height, and choose a dirty clothes basket that he can open.
2. Change the way you see your child.
For some parents, it is difficult to see their child become more independent because they think "he won't need them anymore". But this is a mistaken belief: your child will always need you, your caring attention, your unconditional love and your supportive presence. It will simply have to be manifested in ways other than by doing things for him or her, in his or her place.
3. Give time.
It is important to remember that each child has his or her own pace and different interests. It is also important to remember that the road to independence is not straight, and sometimes there are setbacks for various reasons such as illness, a new child, parental separation or other learning.
4. Accompany towards autonomy.
"Help me do it alone" does not mean leaving the child alone. The adult's goal is to help the child gain self-confidence so that he can do on his own.
Concretely, how to do this?
In order for a child to become autonomous in a task or activity, it is necessary to go through three steps:
1. Show the child how to do.
The child often needs very clear and broken down explanations and demonstrations. For example, to teach them how to put on their shoes by themselves, break down the activity: "First, you open the velcro fasteners and slide the straps to loosen them. Then you have to pull on the strap and hold it with one hand while you slide your foot in.
2. Do with the child.
Even with the explanation and demonstration, your child won't be able to put his shoes on alone in a day. Stay with him, help him only on the steps he cannot do alone. He may have difficulty slipping his ankle into the shoe, but be quite capable of closing the velcro. This is an important step!
3. Let the child do.
This is sometimes the most difficult part, because before being an expert, your child will take more than 5 minutes to put on his shoes. Get a head start and be patient, it is only by practicing that he will be able to perfect himself.
Camille Jedrzejak