Joséphine Vigouroux
Every parent knows that when a child experiences an emotion, he experiences it 'with all his heart'. They cry their eyes out over a torn yoghurt lid when it's opened, they hit their little brother for touching their car, they scream with joy because they've found their socks, and they run into your arms shaking with fear at the sight of the neighbour's little dog. This is all normal, and adults have an important role to play in helping children grow up to understand and deal with their emotions.
We know today, thanks to neuroscience, that children's brains are much less mature than those of adults, and not yet sufficiently functional for emotional management. This is why children experience real emotional storms, which they do not have the capacity to calm alone. They cannot step back from their emotions and need the adult when they are going through strong emotions.
When a child or an adult experiences an emotion, it happens in three stages:
Knowing these three stages will enable us to accompany them more effectively. Let's not forget that there are no good or bad emotions, only pleasant and unpleasant ones, all of which are part of life. Teaching your child to accept and manage his emotions is therefore essential, as he will encounter them throughout his life.
Your child needs to see in your eyes that you are there with them. Respect children's emotions without getting into a power game, without judging, without commenting: "I can see you're angry," "Oh, you're sad," "You don't feel like it at all."
Once you have put your child's emotion into words, let them talk to you about what is happening. Welcome their explanation without interrupting. If he/she does not speak, you can invite him/her to do so: "I see that you are in pain", "You are hesitating. What do you feel?".
"You have the right not to want to, it's true, you'd rather keep playing, I can understand that."
When we are faced with a child's cries or screams, the child is experiencing an emotion. It must be able to come out of the body by being externalized. Saying "Don't cry" is like saying "Keep your pain inside". On the contrary, children could be encouraged to cry: "Go ahead, have a good cry because when you have a good cry, it lasts a few seconds and then it stops."
Children need a place where they can express their emotions, but within a structured framework. The adult must help the child distinguish between his emotions, which are all acceptable and welcome, and his behaviors, which are not always. "You're allowed to be angry, but you're not allowed to hit your cousin"; "I understand that you're sad. You wanted to stay in the playground, but it's time to go."
Camille Jedrzejak
