Joséphine Vigouroux
Every parent knows that when a child experiences an emotion, he experiences it 'with all his heart'. They cry their eyes out over a torn yoghurt lid when it's opened, they hit their little brother for touching their car, they scream with joy because they've found their socks, and they run into your arms shaking with fear at the sight of the neighbour's little dog. This is all normal, and adults have an important role to play in helping children grow up to understand and deal with their emotions.
We know today, thanks to neuroscience, that children's brains are much less mature than those of adults, and not yet sufficiently functional for emotional management. This is why children experience real emotional storms, which they do not have the capacity to calm alone. They cannot step back from their emotions and need the adult when they are going through strong emotions.
When a child or an adult experiences an emotion, it happens in three stages:
Connaître ces trois temps nous permet de mieux les accompagner. Gardons en tête qu’il n’y a pas de bonnes ou de mauvaises émotions, mais des émotions agréables et désagréables, qui font toutes partie de la vie. Apprendre à votre enfant à accueillir et à gérer ses émotions est donc essentiel, car il va les rencontrer toute sa vie.
Your child needs to see in your eyes that you are there with them. Respect children's emotions without getting into a power game, without judging, without commenting: "I can see you're angry," "Oh, you're sad," "You don't feel like it at all."
Once you have put your child's emotion into words, let them talk to you about what is happening. Welcome their explanation without interrupting. If he/she does not speak, you can invite him/her to do so: "I see that you are in pain", "You are hesitating. What do you feel?".
"You have the right not to want to, it's true, you'd rather keep playing, I can understand that."
When we are faced with a child's cries or screams, the child is experiencing an emotion. It must be able to come out of the body by being externalized. Saying "Don't cry" is like saying "Keep your pain inside". On the contrary, children could be encouraged to cry: "Go ahead, have a good cry because when you have a good cry, it lasts a few seconds and then it stops."
L’enfant doit trouver un espace d’écoute où il peut libérer ses émotions, mais dans un cadre structuré. L’adulte doit aider l’enfant à faire la différence entre ses émotions, qui sont toutes acceptables et bienvenues, et ses comportements, qui ne le sont pas toujours. «Tu as le droit d’être en colère, mais tu n’as pas le droit de taper ton cousin » ; « Je comprends que tu sois triste. Tu voulais rester au square mais il est l’heure de partir. »
Camille Jedrzejak
